Staring Back
by Lady Silvamord
Summary: Their very existence was wrapped up in those allseeing white eyes, and yet it took them so long to see what was always right in front of them. Fifty themes on Neji and Hinata. [complete]


_Staring Back_

_(Their very existence was wrapped up in those all-seeing white eyes, and yet it took them so long to see what was always right in front of them. Fifty themes on Neji and Hinata.)_

-

**01: Walking**

Hinata takes her first steps holding on to Neji's hand; even though he is only a year older than her, he is much steadier on his feet than she is, but he lets his little cousin grip his hand tight as they make their way down the garden path anyway, and he is careful not to let her fall.

**02: Waltz**

Dancing lessons are awkward—Hinata trembles as she walks up to her cousin, remembering that he had almost killed her with those hands, barely a month earlier; but when he places one hand on her shoulder and takes the other one in his own, she closes her eyes and surrenders to the dance; when he looks at her pale face and feels her heat beat erratically against his, Neji glances away quickly, refusing to acknowledge the pang of regret he feels.

**03: Wishes**

Hinata wishes she were more like him so much that it hurts.

**04: Wonder**

Hinata lies in her hospital bed, looking up at the white, white ceiling, and she almost doesn't feel the constricting pain in her chest—she closes her eyes and remembers eating ice cream with Neji, a long, long time ago, and she feels a tear slip out from under one eyelid as she wonders, over and over again, _why. _

**05: Worry**

The first time she sees him _after, _she is padding down the hallways and he steps out of his room, only to see her freeze like a frightened deer as soon as his eyes light on her; "Don't worry," he whispers, as he passes her, his tone as detached as ever, and as soon as he is safely out of sight, Hinata's knees buckle and she slides to the floor, shaking with repressed fright.

**06: Whimsy**

Neji soon discovers that Hinata is fascinated by his hair; one evening, she lures him into her room under false pretenses and traps him there after unearthing a pearl-handled comb, and it is a marker of his feelings for her that he lets her sit and play with his hair for about an hour, although he flat-out refuses to leave her room sporting a French braid, love or not.

**07: Waste/Wasteland**

They walk through the streets of Konoha together, with Hiashi and Hanabi; when they pass the ice cream shop, both Neji and Hinata look at it in the same moment, and they both wish, fleetingly, for things to be as they were before.

**08: whiskey and rum**

It is New Year's and there is a party, as usual, and Neji has managed to acquire his first glass of wine; Hinata stands beside him, throwing anxious looks at it; despite that, Neji, feeling quite grown-up, takes a deep swig of it and almost chokes and falls over; Hinata steadies him and tries desperately not to laugh; Neji straightens his tie and breathes deeply, willing his cheeks to stop being so red—"Hinata, that never happened—" and it is a marker of her feelings for him that she doesn't mention it ever again, not even to her teammates.

**09: War**

The official reason for Neji and Hinata's marriage is to unify the Main and Branch Houses, finally bringing peace to the conflicted Hyuuga family; nobody except Neji and Hinata themselves know that Hiashi is hopelessly sentimental in his rapidly-approaching old age, and he just wants his daughter and nephew to be happy.

**10: Weddings**

When Hinata was a little girl, she used to dream about being married to Naruto—it is only when she is around sixteen that her dreams begin to change, when she begins to dream about long sepia-colored hair and white eyes and power and grace embodied; after the first few times, her dreams cease to disturb her, after the first few times, she finds herself looking forward to them.

**11: Birthday**

On the morning of Neji's seventeenth birthday, he is awakened by a timid and familiar knock on the door; when he opens it he sees a blushing Hinata standing in front of him, holding a brightly wrapped present—before he can even blink, Hinata presents him with the gift, kisses him on the cheek rapidly, and flees; a shell-shocked Neji holds the present and watches her disappear from sight—_what just happened there? _

**12: Blessing**

Hiashi gives his daughter and his nephew a long gaze, before sighing slightly, and looking toward the sky; "If you must…but please, Hinata, for the sake of my sanity, do not call him 'nii-san' in my hearing ever again."

**13: Bias**

Neji, being a jounin and rumored to become Konoha's ANBU captain in a couple of years, is one of the chuunin exam judges for the third and final test, and it is not coincidence that one of the ten papers turned in to the Hokage gives the Hyuuga heiress full points.

**14: Burning**

Her muscles burn after her initial spar with Neji, but the look of faint approval in his eyes is enough to make Hinata stand up straighter, and settle into her fighting stance once more.

**15: Breathing**

Hinata falls asleep on Neji's shoulder; he arranges a blanket around her carefully, kissing her cheek, and remains awake, feeling her soft breath against his ear.

**16: Breaking**

The first time they kiss, Neji feels something inside him shatter into a million little pieces, but he pulls Hinata close, nevertheless, and he thinks that she might be able to fill the empty place left behind.

**17: Belief**

Neji finds Hinata on the eve of the third chuunin exams sitting on the stone steps in front of the compound, her arms wrapped around her knees as she rocks back and forth slightly, gazing into space; "I believe you will do well," he says sincerely, brushing his fingertips against her long blue hair, and Hinata exhales, feeling as though a large weight has been lifted from her chest.

**18: Balloon**

After the initial attempt at retrieving Sasuke, Neji wakes up in the hospital to the sensation of blinding pain all over his body; after his eyes focus, he sees three balloons—red, yellow, and white—tied to the end of his bed, and something tells him that it wasn't his teammates who left them for him.

**19: Balcony **

It is no coincidence that Hinata's balcony overlooks Neji and her father's practice grounds, and that she can usually be found there as they begin their morning spar.

**20: Bane**

Before, the mere _sight _of his younger cousin would cause his fists to clench, but now Neji wonders why he had ever felt that way about her.

**21: Quiet**

Theirs is a quiet relationship, something like "blink and you'll miss it," but it is none the less strong because of it.

**22: Quirks**

Hinata claims that she still calls him 'nii-san' because of Hyuuga protocol; she crosses her fingers behind her back and makes sure that nobody will ever know that Neji likes it when she calls him that in bed.

**23: Question**

"So, Neji…what _does _she call you when—" Kiba is cut off by a well-placed tenketsu attack; the Inuzuka wobbles slightly and collapses, as Neji wipes his hands off and stalks away.

**24: Quarrel**

Hinata is secretly afraid of them ever fighting again; the memory of that first time at the chuunin preliminaries still haunts her, although she doesn't know that Neji has never harbored such hostility toward her since then.

**25: Quitting**

Neji's taunts about her being best suited in a life away from that of the shinobi echo in her ears, and Hinata drives herself to heights that she has never gone to before; when she drags herself back to the compound, passing him and her father, she feels a sick, uncharacteristic sense of satisfaction as Neji's eyes widen slightly upon seeing her battered and bruised body.

**26: Jump**

Neji happens upon Hinata in the courtyard one day, jumping rope; in response to his questioning look, she smiles shyly and holds the jump rope out to him, stammering something about how it did wonders to improve coordination and balance, and Neji stares for a few minutes, before taking the jump rope in his bandaged hands tentatively; Hinata smiles, plucks at his jacket, and leads him to a more secluded area of the garden.

**27: Jester **

Hinata is startled to learn that Neji can actually make _jokes, _and that his humor isn't _entirely_ sick and twisted.

**28: Jousting**

When Kiba learns about Neji and Hinata, he storms over to the Hyuuga prodigy and challenges him to a fight to the death in front of about half of Konoha; Neji can't help but admire the Inuzuka's strong protective instincts toward Hinata, but that doesn't stop him from injuring Kiba so badly that he is in the hospital for the next week.

**29: Jewel**

Hinata has a secret fondness for pretty things; she wakes up on her sixteenth birthday to find that a small blue box has been deposited right next to her head—when she opens it, she finds a delicate necklace of sapphires and diamonds, and she lifts it up and clasps it around her neck with hands that shake ever so slightly.

**30: Just**

Neji throws attacks at the practice dummies arranged around him relentlessly, with speed the naked eye can barely follow; he pants, his hair escaping from its loose tie, and all he can think about is his little cousin, with her soft features and softer hair, her timid smile, her uncertain way of speaking, and he pummels the dummies harder and harder, and when he has been pushed to his limits, he sinks down to the floor, gasping for breath; _not fair, not fair, not fair—_

**31: Smirk**

Hinata is one of the few people who have actually seen Neji smile (not the sardonic smirk, but a real _smile_), and she is so taken by how very pleasant it is that she trails after him like a little puppy for the next few weeks, doing whatever she can to coax another smile out of him.

**32: Sorrow **

Neji finds Hinata out on the practice grounds at nine in the night, when he kneels beside her and lifts her bandaged hands gently, she leans against him, not caring that she's weak; she sniffles out that she wants to be like him, and Neji wipes her tears away, and whispers, _no, you don't. _

**33: Stupidity**

Gai watches Neji hang up his kunai and unwrap his arm-guards; he bows to Lee and his sensei before leaving the training grounds—his blue-haired cousin stands by the trees, waiting, when she sees Neji she smiles and they walk off together, both of their dark heads bowed in remarkably similar ways; and Gai grins and turns back around—looks like his little genius has finally gotten over his stupidity and decided to embrace his youth to the fullest.

**34: Serenade**

Lee gets Neji drunk one night; the Hyuuga prodigy staggers home, kneels outside Hinata's window, and gives her a drunken but very heartfelt serenade—Hiashi makes it known that he is mightily displeased about this, but Hinata giggles and doesn't seem to mind.

**35: Sarcasm**

Neji is physically and emotionally incapable of avoiding the use of sarcasm for a whole day, but he tones it down when he's around Hinata, for reasons that he still doesn't quite understand.

**36: Sordid**

Whispers follow them whenever they walk around together in the village; Neji holds Hinata's hand tighter and she flinches against the voices, wishing that their eyes didn't look so alike.

**37: Soliloquy**

When it seems like other members of her family don't hear what she has to say or just don't care, Neji listens, and even though he doesn't say much, it still means the world to Hinata.

**38: Sojourn**

Hinata's first sojourn in the hospital comes about after the preliminaries of the chuunin exams; when she wakes up after the groups of medic-nin do all they can to help her, she finds her favorite book by her bedside—she assumes that Hanabi or her father had left it for her, although the person who actually did bring it was the last person she would have expected.

**39: Share**

Two-year-old Hinata sits alone in a corner; Neji gathers his stuffed bear and makes his way over to his little cousin—they stare at each other curiously for a few moments before Neji holds out his bear to Hinata, and she accepts it with a shy smile, burying her little dark head in the bear's soft brown fur.

**40: Solitary**

Neji used to like being alone more than anything; now, he finds himself coming to enjoy being alone _with Hinata, _and that confuses him more than he will admit.

**41: Nowhere**

Hiashi catches Neji and Hinata out by the gates to the compound at eight at night; he gives them a suspicious look and asks where they think they're going; both of them jump, startled, and reply, "nowhere," at the same time and then blush furiously, while Hiashi sighs and turns his back, telling them that it's all well and good that they go and be obnoxious little lovebirds somewhere else, lest they corrupt the younger members of the family.

**42: Neutral**

Hiashi is away and Neji presides over the council for him, Hinata sitting at his right-hand side—during one of the particularly stupid old fools' usual complaints about anything and everything, Neji rolls his eyes at Hinata, almost imperceptibly; she keeps her expression neutral, but later, when they are alone, Hinata collapses against him, laughing, and Neji laughs as well, and the sounds of their lack of propriety and diplomacy echo through the halls.

**43: Nuance**

One of her father's councilors makes a not-too-discreet remark about her failure to be promoted to jounin, especially as Neji had made it before his sixteenth birthday, and Hinata is seventeen and still a chuunin; Hinata looks down at her hands, but Neji brushes his hand against her elbow, under the table—when she looks up at him, his face is as blank as usual, but she smiles slightly, and understands.

**44: Near**

At first Neji rationalizes with himself—protecting Hinata is easier when he can keep an eye on her personally, and so on, but surprisingly enough for Konoha's prodigy, the thought that he just wants to be _near _her for the sake of it doesn't occur to him for a very long time.

**45: Natural**

Hiashi notices the subtle changes in their behavior; at first, he appreciates that his daughter and his nephew are finally growing closer—when he realizes just _how _close, it is too late for him to do anything—Neji and Hinata together just seems _natural, _now, and he closes his eyes and breathes deeply, and realizes that he doesn't want to take that away from them.

**46: Horizon**

Neji's idea of a date is taking Hinata to the isolated hills, soft and grassy, behind the Hyuuga compounds; Hinata nestles against his side and he places his hand on top of hers, and they sit in peaceful silence, watching the sun slip below the western horizon, bathing their side of the hill in soft golden light that turns Neji's hair into a flame of brilliant chestnut and makes Hinata's look almost violet; she laughs at the sight, and Neji looks bemused for a moment, but he smiles at last, and they are content.

**47: Valiant**

When Neji is four, he steps on a garden snake because it frightens Hinata; when Neji is nineteen, he takes three shuriken to the back for her, and she scolds him for being unnecessarily valiant later; he remains silent, because it is his duty to protect her, and now he feels the weight of that duty on him in a way that is much deeper than the mark on his forehead, and all that it signifies.

**48: Virtuous**

Neji looks at his reflection in the mirror, and, taking a deep breath, he gives himself the sternest look he can muster—"Don't you dare try anything, Hyuuga. If you even _think _anything improper toward her, I will make sure that you never sleep a full night again, and that the guilt of your actions will haunt you for the rest of your life—" and Neji winces imperceptibly, realizing that sometimes, he _really _doesn't like his conscience.

**49: Victory**

The blue flame of their chakra envelops them, and as Hinata ducks her head and strikes for his ribs, hoping for the best but accepting the worst, she is stunned to see him lying flat on his back in the dirt a moment later, looking stunned; Hinata puts her hands in front of her mouth, shocked, but Neji actually gives her a wry smile—"Nice."

**50: Defeat**

Neji holds her hand tightly, even as his head is bowed with defeat—"I'm sorry," he whispers, his throat tight with the tears that he's holding back, and Hinata smiles slightly up at him, before she sighs softly, and her eyes close.

¤

Reviews appreciated.


End file.
